How to maintain a long and strong relationship By Tracey Vale

The following are what I have learned to be the ingredients of a long, strong and loving relationship:

(c) Tracey Vale

• Love. You have to love the person unconditionally and they need to know that. It never gets repetitive to tell them every day, even more than once a day. Love completes you both; it builds esteem, security and stability; it validates; it ensures strength and happiness; it endures, compromises, trusts and forgives. Love is part of and is encompassed by all of the below items. Love is not complete without these things as part of a whole.

• Equality and mutual respect. Neither person should be made to feel inferior, nor should one take or accept an inferior place—that person loses respect both for themselves and in the eyes of their partner. Each person should be made to feel equal and accepted as equal. In this, the motto I live by comes into play: treat others as you would treat yourself; or do unto others as you would do unto yourself. Strive for empathy. Consider the feelings of the other person before endeavouring into anything that might harm, betray or hurt them. When this is considered, you will never do anything to intentionally harm.

• Understanding and compromise. Be yourself but be open to compromise. This doesn’t mean changing, as neither person should expect the other to change for them, nor should they expect to be able to change something about the other person. Understand the other person’s needs, personality and interests. This means wanting to know them completely—to know about their past; their experiences; their mistakes; their triumphs. This gives greater understanding for what has made them the people they are and gives greater empathy in circumstances where you need to understand the reasons behind a particular reaction or action they may take in the future. It also means that you can understand and compromise in cases where you see the other person’s need for space and/or time. It lets you know how to best present the good times and the bad; to sort out grievances, miscommunications or misunderstandings.

• Working together on common goals. Part of this is compromising, listening, understanding and taking the time and effort to hear where each of you is coming from and what the expectations are. In this way, you are better equipped to fine-tune the logistics and infrastructure of a committed relationship, such as finances, housing, children, extended family, lifestyle choices, religion, careers and aspirations.

• Re-Investing. There will be changes and, over time, each of you will change. Endeavour to work together; re-invest in the relationship and revisit goals. Be vigilant and don’t allow changes to negatively impinge.

• Having open communication. Talk often and listen often. Be open to conversation—both the everyday and the deeper levels. Be courageous in your vulnerability and allow your fears or uncertainties to be known; this strengthens understanding. Never assume you know something about the way a person feels and don’t play games with their emotions. Be up front. If something offends, tell them. If something is uncertain or not understood; ask and clarify—don’t make damaging assumptions or hold grudges without founded substance. Similarly, make positive affirmations: ‘I love the way you do this’; ‘I love it when you say that’; ‘I like how you can empathise with that person or this situation’; ‘I deeply respect you for that’. All of this needs to be said from the heart, not as something you think the other person wants to hear. It needs to be heartfelt, spontaneous and honest. Above all, be present and listen when you know the other person needs to be heard. Try to maintain a cool, reasoned head and leave the room if necessary to avoid comments made out of anger or frustration. Take it on board with consideration and thought.

• Laughter. Don’t take life too seriously. Always leave room for humour.

• Being interested and willing to participate. Be open to the other person’s interests and be willing to take part. This is also part of compromising and doesn’t mean that you have to pretend interest for their sake—it means respecting their interests and pursuits and taking them on board. It also means giving them space for their pursuits—being interested in and following different pursuits gives a greater means for conversation and expands both of your horizons.

• Not taking the person or relationship for granted. Never make the other person feel as though they are taken for granted. Appreciate each other and do little things often to make that known. Don’t assume that they know how you feel or that you no longer need to tell them. Don’t become mundane in the relationship. Remind yourself of how you felt in the beginning; what your hopes and aspirations were; how you wanted it to be; and revisit those things. Reawaken the things that excited you about each other in the beginning and don’t ever lose sight of them.

• Learning. Know that each of you is not perfect but always aim to learn from your mistakes. Be accountable for your own happiness without relying on your partner to provide this. Similarly, don’t blame them for any of your dissatisfactions. Know yourself, work on it and the rewards will spill over.

• Loyalty. Be loyal, honest and true. Always.

• Trust. Trust each other and enable that trust in all that you do. Never consider that something is okay just because you can keep it hidden from the other person—the old ‘what they don’t know, can’t hurt them’. This is not being honest with them or yourself and only leads to greater betrayal and widening cracks. Again, do unto others as you would unto yourself.

• Forgiveness. Leave room to understand. Give space where an argument requires it. Move on and don’t hold grudges or save up grievances. The past should stay there.

• Gratitude. Be grateful for what you have. Be mindful of who they are. Appreciate them and let them know—even just by a look. Look at them often and see them for what you love about them. I’m a big believer in this and think that it comes naturally when you truly love and respect someone. It reminds me of Nanny Mcphee and how she appeared ugly in the beginning but was increasingly better-looking the more she was appreciated and respected. The people I love become better looking in my mind’s eye—even though I was attracted to them and considered them handsome in the beginning! And this is despite that person getting older or losing their hair or whatever else is going on. None of that matters. They become increasingly good-looking as my heart grows for them—represented, simply enough, by my increased gratefulness for all that they are. Focus on the good things.

• Touch, sex, emotional and spiritual connection. By no means the least. Be tactile, sensual and make love often. Be passionate and experience sex and its consummate pleasure for what it is—both a physical need and yearning, as well as an emotional and spiritual connection. Make your partner know that they are appreciated on a sexual/sensual level; make them feel sexy; ensure they feel secure that they ‘turn you on’; make it known that you desire their touch and that you want to touch them whenever you can—even little touches during day-to-day tasks; shoulder to shoulder, a hand on the small of their back or a light touch on an arm or knee. Do and experience these things often and never underestimate their importance.

Life is....by Mother Teresa

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
~Mother Teresa

(c) Tracey Vale 2014

For further information on the life of Mother Teresa, read her biography here: http://www.biography.com/people/mother-teresa-9504160#synopsis

Gratitude and Thanksgiving

(c) Tracey Vale 2014

I love the American concept of Thanksgiving. I think we underestimate the importance of gratitude in our lives and we need to stop, breathe, take in our surroundings and, ultimately, give thanks for all we have, for all we see, for all we learn, for all we experience and for all we feel. We need to let go of all the negatives in our lives and embrace the positives with all our hearts, minds and bodies. We need to understand that bad experiences, grief, misunderstandings, trauma and difficult times all add to who we are and who we become and, through those things, we need to embrace the ability to become stronger and grow so that we can move forward; to be grounded but not pin ourselves to or be victims of the past.

The following words are from Danna Faulds, poet, author and Kripalu Yoga practitioner: 

"Do not let the day slip through your fingers, but live it fully now, this breath, this moment, catapulting you into full awareness. Time is precious, minutes disappearing like water into sand, unless you choose to pay attention. Since you do not know the number of your days, treat each as if it is your last. Be that compassionate with yourself, that open and loving to others, that determined to give what is yours to give and to let in the energy and wonder of this world. Experience everything, writing, relating, eating, doing all the little necessary tasks of life as if for the first time… pushing nothing aside as unimportant. You have received these same reminders many times before, this time, take them into your soul. For if you choose to live this way, you will be rich beyond measure, grateful beyond words, and the day of your death will arrive with no regrets."

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting on my balcony and a moment of gratitude springs forth. A fight has just broken out between a young magpie and an adult, with the adult magpie brutally forcing the young one out of the silky oak and onto the ground below, where the one-sided bullying continues. The young bird is calling out and, for all intent, it sounds very much as though it is calling for help in its distress--and its call is answered. First, another magpie arrives in the ash tree and surveys the scene below, calling out as though to ask the perpetrator to stop. Within seconds, more magpies and three crows have arrived, all calling down in a similar way and surrounding the area in a semi-circle from the various trees they are perched in. The crows' calls are loud, throaty and effective. The young bird is released and free to go; the adult bird, suitably chastised. Their job complete, the gathered saviours fly off.

(c) Tracey Vale 2014

I'm thankful for a voice, for being able to be heard, for living in a 'lucky country' and having the freedom to choose. I'm grateful for the nature that surrounds me and for the beauty that that encapsulates. I'm grateful for having more than I need; to be able to live plentifully and without concern; for health; and for all that I have, both the physical and the spiritual. I'm thankful for friends, family and support when needed; for a listening ear; a kind word; hugs; for an end to judgements; for love, hope, faith, unity and understanding. I'm grateful for my children, for their love, for their personalities; and for being given the ultimate opportunity to love them, nurture and guide them, both now and through their lives to live in a way that is harmonious, grateful, resilient and allows them to be true to themselves and the world around them. 

This thankfulness and mindfulness is captured in the following thanksgiving address. It reminds us to be ever grateful for our earth and all of its entities; for all that it provides us in this life, to pay homage to how it sustains us, including the sun and moon; and reminds us to take care of the earth, ourselves and each other. It was written by the Haudenosaunee American Indians, also known as the Iroquois Confederacy or Six Nations, who are among the first descendants of the United States . It was translated in 1993. This Thanksgiving Address is the central prayer for the Haudenosaunee. 

The People

Today we have gathered and we see that the cycles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now, we bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other as people.

Now our minds are One.

The Earth Mother

We are all thankful to our Mother, the Earth, for she gives us all that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she continues to care for us as she has from the beginning of time. To our mother, we send greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are One.

The Waters

We give thanks to all the waters of the world for quenching our thirst and providing us with strength. Water is life. We know its power in many forms ‐ waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the spirit of Water.

Now our minds are One.

The Fish

We turn our minds to all the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that we can still find pure water. So, we turn now to the Fish and send our greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are One.

The Plants

Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come.

Now our minds are One.

The Food Plants

With One mind, we turn to honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans and berries have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them too. We gather all the Plant Foods together as one and send them a greeting of thanks.

Now our minds are One.

The Medicine Herbs

Now we turn to all the Medicine herbs of the world. From the beginning they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are happy there are still among us those special few who remember how to use these plants for healing. With One mind, we send greetings and thanks to the Medicines and to the keepers of the Medicines.

Now our minds are One.

The Animals

We gather our minds together to send greetings and thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We are honored by them when they give up their lives so we may use their bodies as food for our people. We see them near our homes and in the deep forests. We are glad they are still here and we hope that it will always be so.

Now our minds are One.

The Trees

We now turn our thoughts to the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who have their own instructions and uses. Some provide us with shelter and shade, others with fruit, beauty and other useful things. Many people of the world use a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With One mind, we greet and thank the Tree life.

Now our minds are One.

The Birds

We put our minds together as One and thank all the Birds who move and fly about over our heads. The Creator gave them beautiful songs. Each day they remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader. To all the Birds ‐ from the smallest to the largest ‐ we send our joyful greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are One.

The Four Winds

We are all thankful to the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help us to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With One mind, we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds.

Now our minds are One.

The Thunderers

Now we turn to the west where our grandfathers, the Thunder Beings, live. With lightning and thundering voices, they bring with them the water that renews life. We are thankful that they keep those evil things made by Okwiseres underground. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers.

Now our minds are One.

The Sun

We now send greetings and thanks to our eldest Brother, the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With One mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun.

Now our minds are One.

Grandmother Moon

We put our minds together to give thanks to our oldest Grandmother, the Moon, who lights the night‐time sky. She is the leader of woman all over the world, and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time, and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. With One mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon.

Now our minds are One.

The Stars

We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewelry. We see them in the night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered together as one, we send greetings and thanks to the Stars.

Now our minds are One.

The Enlightened Teachers

We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With One mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring teachers.

Now our minds are One.

The Creator

Now we turn our thoughts to the Creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and thanks for all the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on this Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as One and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator.

Now our minds are One.

Closing Words

We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it was not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way.

Now our minds are One.

The Mohawk version of the Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address was translated and published in 1993, courtesy of: Six Nations Indian Museum and the Tracking Project. All rights reserved. Thanksgiving Address: Greetings to the Natural World. English version: John Stokes and Kanawahienton (David Benedict, Turtle Clan/Mohawk). Mohawk version: Rokwaho (Dan Thompson, Wolf Clan/Mohawk). Original inspiration: Tekaronianekon (Jake Swamp, Wolf Clan/Mohawk).

Switzerland's Stolen Generations

(C) Tracey Vale 2014

From 1850 to as recent as 1979, and particularly prevalent during and immediately following World War Two due to economic degradation, children in Switzerland were taken from their homes and moved to foster homes where they worked as farmhands. Some were as young as two. Children were forcibly removed amid claims of poverty and where there were situations of single parenting. Often, the children were taken from single mothers. If the parent refused, argued or fought against the forced extraction of their children, they were threatened with prison.

On arrival, the children were uninformed as to what their new life would entail. They worked long days, before and after school, often from 6am to 10pm; were not given the privilege of a secondary education; and were not considered family. They suffered ongoing psychological problems, with many later turning to suicide. This was due, in part, to their extraction from their mother, separation from their siblings and the lack of love they endured under 'foster care'. They also suffered abuse, including physical and sexual; and endured hardship through punishment and withholding of food if their foster parents considered they hadn't worked hard enough.

Regardless of their appearance of undernourishment, abuse and the physical strain of over-work on their young bodies, teachers or other figures who raised such issues with social services were usually ignored. Case files have now been made available on a number of these children but, noticeably, much, if not all, of the documentation--by way of complaints and inquiries about the foster parents--are missing.

On occasion, social services would visit the various foster homes. The foster parents were alerted of

(C) Tracey Vale 2014

this by way of a white sheet strung out in the town. Subsequently, the social worker was greeted with the picture of a family eating together--the foster child or children included in the family meal and with no evidence that they were involved with child labour. It was the one time the child or children were given a reprieve from hard work. Social workers never spoke one-on-one with the child, instead asking questions of them in front of their 'carers'. Naturally, the children were too afraid to speak the truth.

The following article, with haunting photographs, tells the story of some of the children of these stolen generations who have recently been given access to their case files and continue to seek answers and peace.

From the BBC:

Switzerland's shame: the children used as cheap farm labour

Shimmer: Photographic Biennale

The Shimmer Festival, hosted by the City of Onkaparinga, is currently underway and runs from August 29 to September 28. The Festival showcases local photographers with events, workshops and exhibitions in various locations such as cellar doors throughout McLaren Vale, McLaren Flat and Willunga, as well as the Port Noarlunga Arts Centre and Port Noarlunga Library, with over 40 artists showcased across over 30 venues.

I recently attended the Light exhibition, an eclectic mix of photographer's works highlighting the theme of light, and held at Mclaren Vale's Red Poles Gallery. The exhibition's description rightly

proclaims the integrity of light for a photographer: "Light is the photographers' drug. They spend their life chasing it, it never leaves their thoughts. It can be gentle or violent, but never ignored."

Light is the first exhibition for the Shimmer Festival and the second exhibition for the Atkins Adelaide Photographic Artists, displaying 19 works from the 19 photographers.

Workshops held during the festival include light painting; star trail photography; portraiture; action photography; and cyanotype, among others.

Exhibitors include Robert Macfarlane; Alex Frayne; Wayne Grivell; Deborah Paauwe; Jacqui Dean; Sabine Verhack; and many more.

2014 marks the first time the Shimmer Festival has been extended from 10 days to a month, offering a greater calendar of events and sights to further encourage arts and cultural development within a region with an array of wine, food and art on tap.

For further information: 

http://onkaparingacity.com/onka/discover/arts_culture/events_festivals_and_exhibitions/shimmer_photographic_biennale.jsp

Some simple yet wise words from singer/songwriter Joan Baez

Copyright, Michael Steer.

In Forever Young, singer/songwriter Joan Baez reminds us to be hopeful for our futures; have faith that all will unfold as it should; and that we should strive to succeed, while learning and taking courage from every step. She bestows the desire that we should be righteous and true to ourselves and our convictions. She encourages us to be strong and courageous, with a firm foundation to hold us in good steed when faced with difficulty. In this, a strong mind and the knowledge and the ability to cope and, therefore, move forward positively, will enable us to maintain prolonged youth. Similarly, living in the moment; being mindful of all that surrounds us; choosing to be joyful; keeping busy as opposed to idle; doing unto others as you would wish upon yourself; and staying active for optimal health and wellbeing--all are keys to staying 'forever young'.

Forever Young

Lyrics by Joan Baez

May God bless and keep you always

May your wishes all come true

May you always do for others

And let others do for you

May you build a ladder to the stars

And climb on every rung

May you stay forever young

Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous

May you grow up to be true

May you always know the truth

And see the lights surrounding you

May you always be courageous

Stand upright and be strong

May you stay forever young

Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy

May your feet always be swift

May you have a strong foundation

When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful

And may your song always be sung

May you stay forever young

Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young.

Copyright, Tracey Vale

Website Design—some things to consider By Tracey Vale

The best websites are easy to navigate; easy on the eye and contain the necessary information on each page, preferably without the need to scroll down the page. Contact information should also be clearly visible.

Consider what you like or don’t like about sites you’ve visited. Personally, I like it to be clean, yet catchy, and definitely uncluttered. Avoid moving gifs, automatic audio or video (give the visitor the choice to listen or view), too many ads and banners, gaudy colours and other rapidly moving things. Slowly scrolling photos on one side or across the top, are fine as long they’re not distracting or annoying. Don't use an entrance page whereby you have to click on something in order to enter the site—the link should always take you straight to the Home page without additional steps.

Black on white is preferable for easy readability and the colours on the header should match and be identifiable with your corporate colours. Your business logo should also be prominently displayed. Information should be short and succinct as readers have a shorter attention span online and like to get the information they need in a few short paragraphs.

Each page should reflect the look and layout of the Home page and needs to include the same navigation bar.

The following links may be helpful:

http://www.bigsplashwebdesign.com/8-qualities-of-a-good-website/

http://www.spritzweb.com/resources/good-website-characteristics.html

http://mashable.com/2012/02/09/website-must-haves/

Strategies toward purchasing your first real estate investment

Real estate investment should be undertaken with informed opinion, research, expert advice and guidance and a complete understanding of the area in which you wish to invest. As well, a knowledge of property growth and the ability to add value, are integral. 

“Before purchasing your first real estate investment property, it is important to gain the right knowledge. There are a number of educative courses on real estate investment that will prove valuable,” said Stan Kontos, entrepreneur, business coach and speaker, SOL Results.

“For two or three months, study a particular area. You need to specialise in an area or suburb to gain an understanding of what properties are selling for and what potential there is for growth. Contact the relative council and find out what the council projections are for that area,” he said.

Kontos says that the next important stage is to select a property where value can be added. “The purchase of real estate as an investment should be made on properties where value can be added,” he said. This can be done through a general spruce up through tidying and painting and so on, or through a part or complete renovation. The other means of adding value is to find a property that can be subdivided.

An investment property should not be purchased for its growth potential alone as values can drop. The real estate cycle in Australia takes seven to eight years before a property doubles in value, dependent on where it is located. This can drop but generally remains stable, or plateaus, for around a year before the cycle begins again. Property prices in Melbourne and Sydney are currently on the rise again, with Adelaide set to follow this growth phase. Generally, Adelaide is a year behind the growth phase of Sydney and Melbourne. Adelaide is currently coming off the bottom of the cycle, heading into the growth phase. Predictions are for a good growth year in 2014.

In summary, Kontos stresses the importance of not going into real estate investment ignorant. Find courses, read books on the subject, find a mentor and talk to people who have successfully done it before, he says.

Next, he says, find a broker to sort finances and to tender out for the best deal. Having pre-approval in place for a loan is the same as being able to give the seller a cash offer. This is a valuable tool as the seller is considerably more enticed by a cash offer on a contract as opposed to a ‘subject to finance’ clause.

When applying for the loan, the bank will need to know your income and will check that you can comfortably make the repayments. Ultimately, you should own the home you are currently living in outright. An investment property is then a very minimal risk to the lender, especially as there is a very small gap between the interest rate, at 5% and the rental return, at 4-5%. In such cases, the bank will allow a Loan Value Ratio (L.V.R.) of 95%. For subsequent investment property purchases, the bank will lend an L.V.R. of around 80%, leaving a 20% gap plus any settlement costs.

Most financial advisors will say yes to negative gearing. Therefore, the purchase of an investment property can be considered based on the tax incentive and on its increased value potential through upgrades and improvements.

“Talk to an accountant before purchasing your first investment property. As mentioned earlier, the accountant will espouse this golden rule—pay off your home and borrow the maximum for your first investment property. He or she will also tell you that the property must have growth potential. Any growth then becomes your bonus,” said Kontos.

“My advice is to purchase within 10 kilometres of the city; near the beach; or near the café scene. Growth will be seen in these areas first. Avoid more distant areas as growth will be slower. Don’t purchase an investment property on the basis of tax concessions. These help but should not be the basis of your decision—growth in value should be the basis,” he said.